Believe it or not, there is an organization dedicated to getting you to stop printing your emails. I’m not sure who prints their emails anyway, but forget that right now. Think Before Printing is dedicated to nagging you into not printing because it’s going to destroy the planet. You have probably seen their “reminder” in the signature line of emails from your tree-hugging friends.

Just to be clear, the surest way to get me to print out an email, is to include the “Please consider the environment before printing this email” reminder in it. I will print it, then summarily throw it in the trash without reading it.

Oh, just for good measure, I printed out 10 copies of the Think Before Printing website. I will be using the paper for kindling the next time I have a styrofoam bonfire.

I was at Lowe’s today looking for some stuff. I didn’t find what I wanted, but a 7-pack of CFL bulbs caught my eye. No, I haven’t turned my back on my carbon-spewing ways. The pack was $9.99 and included a $10 coupon for a future Lowe’s visit. I like free stuff–even if it is also green.

Here’s where things start to get a little schizophrenic. Stay with me here. When I got home, I put the pack of CFL bulbs on the shelf (but that was a very happy side effect). After all, we already have all CFL bulbs and no bulbs were burnt out. But THEN, I grabbed a box of incandescent bulbs that we brought with us when we moved. I proceeded to replace 10 CFL bulbs with incandescent bulbs! (evil laughter) I could hear Mother Nature whimpering in sorrow as I did it. But I just continued to laugh. I was just bummed that I could only replace 10 bulbs instead of all of them.

Sadly, I must admit that my motives are not pure here. No (sigh), I didn’t actually do this to increase my carbon footprint. It was purely a financial decision. Here’s where you really have to hang with me for another minute or two. The incandescent bulbs were already a sunk cost, so I didn’t simply want to throw them away. Unfortunately, it looks like Obama’s energy plan will likely pass in some form. This plan will admittedly cause energy costs to skyrocket. So I want to use up the incandescent bulbs now while electricity prices are still low. If I wait too long, it would likely make more sense to just throw them away at some point.

So there you have it. Now I just need to figure out what to do with all these CFL bulbs laying around. Maybe I’ll go down to the river and bash them against the rocks, thereby dumping a bunch of mercury and glass shards into the river. Maybe.

I just wanted to fill you in on how I celebrated Earth Day. See details below:















And that about covers it. It was a great day!

Fire in the Hole!

April 15, 2009

Okay, so in this case, the hole is referring to an irrigation ditch. That’s right, last weekend it was time to release some sequestered carbon on our ranch. I went out with my trusty propane torch and set fire to the dead grass and weeds clogging the ditch. Flames shot 12 feet into the air, smoke was pumping into the air like crazy. It was a thing of beauty.

This doesn’t quite match my feat from last summer: The accidental (no really) blaze that scorched about 10 acres–not to mention all the fossil fuels burned by about 10 fire trucks fighting the blaze. But this last weekend was still a worthy contribution to the cause.

Carbon Glutton Fail

March 25, 2009

A few nights ago, I stopped at the supermarket on my way home to pick up some ground beef. As discussed in a previous post, eating meat is one of the most effective methods of contributing to global warming. So I was understandably proud of myself. As I was leaving the meat department, I looked in horror at this sign:


That’s right, apparently some Carbon Glutton-friendly supermarkets use CO2 to preserve the color of the meat. Sadly, I picked the one store that didn’t. To make matters worse, I didn’t have time to run to another store that was more friendly to the carbon-spewing lifestyle. Yes, I have failed you.

The Other Side: Meat

March 22, 2009

The Other Side will be a periodic feature where I take a break from spewing carbon into the atmosphere to present information that may help those who wish to reduce their carbon footprint in their endeavors. This time, we are going to talk about meat and it’s impact on global warming.

So you’re driving an energy-efficient car. Perhaps you even carpool or take the bus. You recycle whenever you can. You’ve replaced all of your incandescent bulbs with the very unnatural glow of the compact fluorescent bulb. But it’s all worth it right? You are making a difference right? Do you still eat meat? Then, not so much.

According to a report by the United Nation’s Food and Agricultural Organization, the global warming impact from livestock farming is greater than all major forms of transportation combined. That’s right, you could forever retire every automobile, airplane, train, and boat and the impact would be less than eliminating the entire livestock industry. Think about it, unless we are going to revert to the dark ages, we must have transportation. And since we do not yet have trains, planes, and automobiles powered by solar energy, any cutbacks in that sector are the smallest drop in the bucket.

If you are truly passionate about global warming and believe that you can and should take steps to make a difference, but still eat meat…you are a hypocrite! Eliminating meat from your diet will have an immediate and dramatic effect on greenhouse gas emissions. Put another way, don’t lecture me about the gnat buzzing me when you have a bull (literally) charging you.

Global Warming: A Poll

March 20, 2009